Spotless doormats
And my muddy footprints
On them.
You do it so well,
The unwelcoming.
That precarious vase
Those creaseless cushions
What better a way
than ceaseless symmetry
to stifle conversation?
I am loathe to taint
Your polished doorknobs
With greasy fingerprints.
But know no other way
To enter the unrequited rooms
Of your company.
~
Edited. Original in comments.
Your poem reminded me of one prof (who was here some 20-30 years ago, and only lives on as a legend now) who wouldn’t allow students to touch the walls of his house as he believed that they would stain them!!!
Original
Kick that vase,
push away the carpet,
throw out those
neatly arranged cushions.
Perhaps then I will visit you
who make me nervous
with too much order,
stifle me with symmetry.
Your eyes wander
to my greasy fingerprints
left on polished brass knobs.
But I know no other way
into the rooms
of easy conversation.
Actually I liked both versions. Each has a different voice, tone and feel to it.
There’s something missing in the new version… Cant say what.
Both are quite angry…and I like both versions
The second one is more mellowed down, i think